what hope?

To what end hope? We try so hard to be happy, to keep us and all around us happy. And yet, inexplicably, everything that can go wrong, does. We try to go on, like shriveled blossoms after the winter sets in, but don’t we all know the truth? People say, that’s why one must live in the moment, and not dwell upon the future. But it is planning for the future and carefully selecting what steps to take that define our existence. Who is the fool here, the mendicant or the yuppie? Both are extremes, I agree, but both exist within us. We desire both ends, to be free of yearning and desire as well as to achieve the luxuries of life. Hope for both ends is what defines our eternal struggle. This is no tussle of brawn or brain; this is something much more cerebral than a chess game. This is primal and unrestrained, and yet we spend most of our lives unaware of it. The corrupt desires the freedom from exposure and the honest desires the freedom from such amoral lines of thought. And we can justify each end to suit the context. People say that the choices we make are what define us, and yet it is at the moment of choice that we become the most vulnerable. Most choices we face are never pure black o white. Most are beyond our reasoning, some within our grasp and some tear our very fibre apart. What hope do we have then, that our long lived plans will come to fruit while we ourselves live? I believe in hope, but everyday, the this belief is put to the test, for if our choices are indeed preordained as some believe them to be, then what choice, what hope are we counting upon to make a difference in our lives. This is quite the disjointed paragraph, but it is exactly what I face. There is no coherence in what should, will and does happen. Hope is at one our greatest folly and our greatest strength. Life shouldn’t be this hard to figure out, its my life after all!