My coffin

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There seems to be no end
No light at the end of the tunnel.
No sign that this darkness is stopping.
Despite all the good will, the pleas I'm coppin.
All these anti anxiety pills that I'm popping.
All these things I don't need, but I'm still shopping.
Still hoping. Still living and breathing. Still hopping.
Hoping that there won't be no scratch marks
on the underside of the lid of my coffin.
No regrets to leave behind, No friends  to come calling.
No enemies neither. No one I'll leave behind
crying or laughing.
Nothing but a whole bunch of words that I'm tossing.
The ink drips in torrents from my fingers
but ain't no one around to do the mopping..
People see my scars, but all they do is their scoffing.
There lies another derelict, come crawling to life bawling.
Small fry. Ain't nothing but a failure. His success story is always stalling.
Into pieces I can see everything around me, my whole life is falling.
I'm trying to stop it.But the darkness, my old friend, it keeps on calling.
And I can't stop, but try and follow it. Just to keep the ball rolling.
The pieces are falling out. I ain't whole no more and the scars they are showing.
The cracks inside are feeding off my despair. Look at them, they are growing.
And the voice still keep calling.
Keep my despair at bay has become my job, my full time calling.
Ain't no voices from heaven that've come to stop me from further stumbling and falling.
Its only in the night where I feel like I belong. By myself. Feeling like bawling.
But that ain't what a man do. Is it? Crying isn't exactly helping.
But it does help me to come to terms with this pain that I'm feeling.
I can't help the fact that my life is at an end and that I'm still failing.
My ship never came in. It stopped rocking. It's at the bottom of the ocean
but it's still sinking and coming apart at the seams and I'm laughing.
Still hoping for a miracle to come and fix everything for me.
Still waiting to see if the blood will stop bubbling up when I start coughing.
If I can find my way back to the light when my mind stops it's incessant wandering.
If I can have one more day where I'm loved and I find myself laughing.

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