From Bruce to Nat, with love

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We did it. We won.
So it must be a little confusing for you, as to why I am doing this.
"Hey big guy. I need you to turn this boat around." I hear your voice over the intercom. I can see your face so clearly. Tony did a really good job on these quinjets. The display is crystal clear. I can almost touch your face. But instead, I turn the display off. No one can track the quinjet in stealth mode.
You see, Nat, I am a monster. I hurt people and I am famous for it. I see people with merchandise, celebrating this hero. And yet, I am no hero. I am rage, I am anger, I am hate personified. And the more I fight, the angrier I get, until I am unstoppable. Except that is, until you come out of the smoke and the haze and say, "Hey big guy. Sun's getting real low."
But today, it almost didn't work. I knew something was off. The other guy, he wanted to hurt someone, anyone. Even you, just because you were there.
I can't do that to you Nat. I just can't. And so can't he. I can feel that much from him. He is angry and confused, but he loves you very much. More than he can say, or I can explain.
And that is why we can't be together anymore. Why I can't be near you. Why I have to leave. Because I can't be a monster to you. I am sorry, but this is good bye.
I love you Nat, scars and all.
Your's truly,
Bruce Banner.

Comments

Hellmutt said…
Letter 2
I touch the screen every time you send me a message. Saying you love me and you miss me. I wish I could touch you instead, but I have to content myself with the cold display of my phone instead. These messages, even though I don’t reply to them, keep me alive through these dark days.
I don’t know where I am going or why I keep drifting. I just pick a direction and keep moving.
You might not know this, but I came to the Avengers tower and the SHIELD headquarters a few times. Met Cap and Thor. But never met you. You were always away, busy in some foreign country. Being who you are. A femme fatale. A spy. And it kills me. Not knowing if you are safe. Not knowing if my being there could have prevented anything untoward from happening. I heard about the near assault on you in India. I know you can handle yourself, but it still scares me.
I’ve heard about the good times too. How you saved a professor in INSEAD by pretending to be a designer. How you infiltrated an Indian tech company by pretending to be an employee. Thor pretty much burst out laughing while describing their dress code and your reaction to it. I had to Google ‘Dupatta’ after that.
You are doing so much of good in this world. You are a true and bonafide hero, Nat. You are going places with your career. I am so proud of you!

And don’t worry about the scars. It’s what you do now, that defines you. Not the past. It’s what you chose to do with your present that makes who you are. Ask Hawkeye. He was an assassin, just like you. But he chose to be a better man, for the sake of love.
Alas, I don’t have that luxury. Something is wrong with me. I know that much. I am getting dumber, stupider, lazier. It’s like my body is shutting me down. Like the other guy is winning. Even though he isn’t doing it on purpose.
We can communicate emotions these days, you know. Remember the Panda video you sent me? We both almost fell apart laughing. The first time that laughter almost caused me to ‘hulk’ out. I wonder what the big guy would look like? A 12 foot clown, maybe? Terrifying thought.
Anyway, I wanted you to know that I miss you terribly and I love you very much. But I don’t think I can be with you anymore. You are the future, Nat. You and Tony and Cap and Thor. You are all soldiers and geniuses. I am just a brute, with only one talent. I am just no good. And I am getting worse.
So, I guess this is goodbye for now. I’m just rambling, I’m sure. Not making any sense.
And anyway, I have no plans to let you read these letters, do I. These are things I want to tell you, but I never will. Because I know you. Because I know that you will love me, regardless. Because you see the man I could be, not the man I am. And it kills me each day, that I am not the person you deserve to be with. And you will point out how stupid I am being and that we can work it out and so on and so forth. But then, one day, I will be green and you won’t be able to sing me back. One day I will lose my mind to the swirling maelstrom that is my mind. I can’t face you like that. I don’t want you to see me like that.
I left my last wishes with Cap. Tony is to put me on a rocket and blast me off into space on that day. I have given them an anesthetic that will work even on ole mean and green.
And they are to keep you away. So you don’t see me that way.
I am, and always will be, yours.
Bruce Banner.
-------------------
Jonnalagadda Rajeev

Just couldn't leave it alone like that.
December 5, 2018 at 11:20 PM
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